So how many of you have made your new year's resolution and kept them? Wow, impressive! I was reading the other day and came across this great article by Marie Tomas on Helium.com. It was so great that I thought I would share it with you. She makes you look at a resolution in a whole new light.
The latest statistics are in: 30% of all resolutions are broken within the first week. The rest of the lot, fold like cheap cameras in less than a month. Not very encouraging. Problem is, we don't really intend keeping them. We only say we are, to impress impressionable people. Like the preposterous notion that we'll actually eliminate all fats from our diet. HAH! Who are we kidding? Give up cheese cake and pizza? Forever? That's like giving up blinking. It can't be done.
They say that only simple resolutions work. Therefore, I've come up with a list of easy resolutions. They are as follows:
- Give up exercising. FOREVER! All it does it make you sweat like a hog and work up an enormous appetite.
- Burn toast. Rye, wheat, oat bran, raisin.
- Lose your keys, remote and cell phone, on fairly regular basis.
- Stick your fingernail through your pantie hose. The expensive kind. Curse your brains out afterwards.
- Gain ten pounds all in your hips, tummy and thighs.
- Let hair grow on legs and underarms.
- Eat 100% pure fat ice cream. All flavors.
- Over water or under water plants. Make them turn a pathetic shade of yellow.
- Sprout a few more gray hairs. (This requires little or no effort)
- Develop two new wrinkles. (this generally goes with getting gray)
- Lie about your age. Subtract at least eight years.